The Last Post

I just wanted to tell everyone that my last post was not meant for anyone to feel sorry for me or anything else. I just wanted to write down how I feel because thats what the blog is for. I just wanted to mention that.

Easy Person To Hate

I guess I am an easy person to hate. Here I thought I was likable, but I guess not. Two people in the last month have deleted me off of Facebook. Usually I would not care because Facebook isn't all that important but these people are suppose to be family. What did I do to deserve this? I have no idea. All I know is I am tired of feeling like the outcast. I am tired of feeling worthless because of the way people act towards me. I thought I was a good person. Maybe I am not. Maybe I deserve it for some reason or another. I don't know. All I know is I am tired of crying.

I Love To See The Temple!

The temple is truly an amazing place! Daniel has been having a hard time lately because hes messed up twice in two different health care classes and did not get an A. The one class he got a B and the other he got a C. The last class where he got a C he was pretty upset because he had an A but turned in the wrong final and for zero points on it. The teacher told him he was sorry but the school policy is you cannot turn anything in after the class is over. At this point he was pretty upset and started thinking maybe he shouldn't be doing this in the first place. Of course I told him he was crazy but he just felt bad. Then he started thinking how am I going to go to real school (he will have to do this before pharmacy school and pharmacy school) work and spend time with my family. I told him we would be OK. He was still upset. He's dad gave him a blessing and told him he would be alright at this point I think he was feeling better but I felt like the temple would help. We planned to go the next day (which was yesterday). That day Daniel was a lot better because he talked to his academic counselor and she told him he would be fine he was an amazing student and everything would be OK. I don't know why he didn't listen to me when I told him! She also told him when he finishes with The University of Phoenix he should see about being an instructor, of course he loved that idea so its something he might do while he goes to pharmacy school. Even though he was feeling better we still went to the temple because we do not go enough. On the way I said maybe one day we can do sealing because we never have. But we decided we wanted to go to a session this time. When we got to the temple the front desk scanned our recommends and then stopped us. I thought oh man did I do something wrong! What happened? He asked us to go up and do sealing. I thought OK that was weird. I guess that's where we needed to be. I love being in the temple and I think it helped both of us. The only bad thing while doing sealing I started thinking I have lots of family members that have passed and they are not sealed together. I was told in my patriarchal blessing that my family is waiting for ME to do their work so I started feeling really guilty. I haven't done one thing for anyone! They are up there wait and wait and I'm just sitting around. I guess I better do it. Another thing I thought about after I helped a daughter be sealed to her parents. I will never get to do that. My parents were never married. I would love to be sealed to at least my mom but I do not think she will ever go to the temple. I mean I could wish because I want all my family to go there but I do not think it will happen. She's to stubborn. It made me feel like I was all alone. Daniel later reminded me I have him and Caitlynn and our future children. That did help me feel better. Anyways like I said the temple is an AMAZING place and I need to go there more often. Especially to help my family. I am so great for all the blessing I have and I am grateful for the Lord in my life. I would be lost with out him.

Website!

I made my own website for my photography "business". I am so proud of myself! Go check it out and let me know what you think.
ampedupphotos.com

30 day thing!

Sorry I am a little behind! I am not sure if anyone really reads it anyways. If you do I will try to continue tomorrow!

Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.

I think the one thing I hope I NEVER have to do is attend one of my kid's funeral or Daniels. I know everyone dies but I do not want that to happen. Especially my children no parent should have to lay their kid to rest even though it does happen I pray it doesn't happen to me. I do not think I could deal with Daniel not being around so I hope I go first when we are really old or Jesus just comes that would be good too!

Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.

There are many things I hope to do in my life. Mostly its things like going to Disney World and traveling. The one thing I really want to do is have my own studio! Oh my gosh I would love that! I dream about that almost as much as I dream about us having our own place. I think it would be great and then I can take more pictures in the winter because I can take pictures inside! Doesn't that sound wonderful?! Oh man I think so! I hope one day to get a lot of clients and take pictures all the time! Sounds good to me :D

Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.

To be honest I do not think I have to forgive anyone for anything. I am a usually forgiving person when it comes to other people, just not about myself. The only thing I can think of is my real father. My whole life I have probably seen him 4 times. He would see his other kids but never me. Well about 2 1/2 years ago he died. I am never going to get to know him, hes never going to get to know my kids. Even though I am sure if he was alive he wouldn't know my kids any ways. I just need to forgive him more then I have for not being around. At least I always had some great men in my life growing up and at least one of them stayed around.

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

I have to forgive myself for the mistakes that I have made in the past and learn to forgive myself for the mistakes I will make in the future. I am not perfect and no one is so I shouldn't think I need to compare myself to someone else. I need to learn to love and to forgive myself because everyone makes mistakes.

Day 2: Something you love about yourself.

This one is quite hard since like I said yesterday I really do not think I have a lot of good things about me. If I had to choose something I would say I think I have good people skills. A lot of times people come to me for someone to talk to or for advice. This has happened many times in my life and I have no idea why. I do not think that I help a lot of times but I guess I must be doing something right if people keep asking me. I have really thought about being like a psychiatrist because I love talking to people and helping them in their troubles, but I am to lazy to go to school that long lol. I really do hope I help people with whatever is going on in their lives and that people keep coming to me to talk to them.

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.

Hmm what do I hate about myself?! Well there are a lot of things. In my mind set I am a horrible person that can't do anything right. So I guess what I hate most of all is I have no confidence in myself and I have no self esteem. I think maybe that is why I give up on a lot of things because I just feel like I am not good enough. I also think I am always going to fail or I suck at everything I do. That involves church, school and life in general. Every time I go to the Temple I think to myself I'm not good enough to be here. I think maybe that is why I do not go a lot. I also hate the way I look and always compare myself to other people which I shouldn't do. I guess I just need to remember a line from a Pink song that goes, "You're so mean when you talk about yourself you are wrong change the voices in your head make them like you instead." Maybe one day I can learn to have a little more confidence in myself and self esteem.

30 Days of Truth

I am stealing this idea from Chelsea because I do not blog that much because our lives are pretty boring. So I thought I would do this and see how it goes. Be for warned that you might not like what I have to say but if you have different opinions that is ok but I dont want to hear them because they just upset me. I hope you all enjoy the next 30 days!

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like poopy.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days.
Day 14: A hero that has let you down.
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself.