Baby Steps

Today I am doing a little better than I was yesterday. I don't feel so empty today. I think I might actually start taking my pills but I don't know. The reason I want to is to be honest I want another baby. But at this weight I shouldn't have one or I would have tons of complications.  And I can't seem to motivate myself to do it. I can't motivate myself to do anything.  So my theory is when I did take my pills I did exercise and I was doing what I needed too. The only problem is when I do lose weight and get pregnant I can't take the pills. Am I going to fall even deeper than I am now?! I am not sure. I am not sure what to do. I am sure I could ask the Lord but to be honest my faith isn't the strongest right now. Heres to hoping I can figure it all out.
I also want to apologize for all the whining I do. But it does help to get this all out and not hold it in all the time.