8 more weeks!

Real quick about my last post I just want to tell Ka and Tia thanks for commenting on it. You guys made me feel a lot better. I was just going to comment on it but wasn't sure you would see it so I thought I would just thank you here. I love both of you and I am very thankful to call both of you my friend and my family.
I have 8 more weeks to my due date. It might actually be less because I had Caitlynn at 37 weeks (for medical reason) but you never know for sure. I am so excited. I am excited to maybe not feel like an 80 year old woman. I am excited to see what she looks like. I am excited to have another kid that I am able to raise. I am just pretty excited! But I am also scared. I am scared I won't be able to handle two. I am scared that I won't give both of them the attention they deserve. I also kind of feel like I am letting Caitlynn down for some reason and like she needs more time alone. I then look at it that my other kids won't get that comfort of just them and she will be ok but it still makes me feel a little scared. I am also a little scared we won't get everything done. We are working on our living space right now and granted its not that bad because we have been getting better with cleaning. Its just to me it seems like there is so much to do. I also need to go to the shed and get all the little clothes out and I have to go through tons of boxes because they are all mixed together. I guess we also need to work on the organizing thing, it would probably help with a lot of things. I hope and pray we get it done. Its just a little hard when I can barley move. Thankfully I do have a husband that helps and does a lot of things lately and I am grateful for that. I just can't believe I have only 8 weeks or less to get all this done! I want the time to go by fast because I am ready to meet her but at the same time I still want a little more time to get everything together, not sure if that makes sense. Anyways just wanted to write down my feelings. I am sure everything will work out and things will happen the way they are suppose to be. I just can't believe its almost time!!

Pregnancy

Once again I am going to use my blogger to rant. I am just having such a hard time. Don't get me wrong I am grateful I am pregnant and that I am able to have children. I know there are so many out there that wish they could do this but can't and that makes me super sad. I am also thankful that my baby is healthy and I have a wonderful support system. I just don't get why I have to have such a hard time. With Caitlynn I was sick almost until the very end and that was awful. With this pregnancy I wasn't sick really at all and I thought hey this is going to be easy. Well its not. For some reason my body is having a hard time. Its in constant pain and can barley walk. This baby likes to lay super low which is a whole different experience that hurts more then words can say. I have two more months left and I am already bigger then I was with Caitlynn, not sure how I am going to stretch anymore, and not sure how I am going to keep moving. I know I shouldn't whine and complain its just so hard. I wish the next two months will come by fast because I am done but I know its important for her to stay in as long as possible and that is what I am going to do. OK thanks for letting me rant. I know I shouldn't and its annoying, but thanks for listening anyways.

Resolutions!

This year is a little different then other years. Usually my main goal is to lose weight and yes this is something I would like to do in the next few months but it is not a main thing for me right now.
This year I really want to change the person I am. I hate the person I am and I think the biggest reason is my attitude. I need to have a better attitude about everything. This year I really want to work on being a better person.
Also I really want to be a better mother. I feel like I am not the best one right now and its probably because I am so hard on myself. This year I will be a mother of two kids and that thought terrifies me. I am the person that teaches them and helps them grow and I am scared I will do it all wrong.
I also want to be a better wife. My husband is amazing and I do not feel like I do enough to show my love to him. I need to treat him better and show him how much I appreciate him.
Another thing I want to do is be a better person spiritually. Right now I feel like I am a Sunday Mormon. I go to church and I do my calling but thats about it. I need to get better at this. Not only for me but for my family. I need to teach my kids by example how to live the gospel. I also want to be with my husband forever and I won't let something like me being lazy stop that.
There are many things I will like to change and there are many ways I can do these things. I just need to do them and quit saying I will do them. No excuses!
I really am going to start using this Blog a lot more too. Only because I think it will help me get my feelings out a bit more since I do not have many people that understand me. That way it doesn't eat me alive, if that makes sense.
I really hope this year I can become the person I want to be and not the person I am because I am to lazy to change it. Its up to me to change myself.